I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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