I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh god it's open bar.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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