Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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