we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
pop tarts are not kleenex
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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