yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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