Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
