how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
