i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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