Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
