I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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