yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I AM VODKA MAN
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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