i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
