umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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