I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
