I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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