from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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