I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
