I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
