worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize