I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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