We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
