I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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