first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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