Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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