If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
