I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
