id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
