i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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