Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize