Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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