they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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