yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
