they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
