Umm I'm too high to move.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
