I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
