just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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