she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
