Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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