I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
