Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
