how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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