i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
