I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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