Please, let me fuck your mom
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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