My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
