I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
