so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
