Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
