he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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