Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
