I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
