i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
