whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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