I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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