i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
