Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
