thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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