Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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